Tuesday, May 11, 2010


I just thought I would make a quick post to let people know that I haven't forgotten about my Blog, or its followers :-). Things have been very hectic at work lately and although I have started a new post several times, I've just ended up fucking falling asleep before I can finish it. To those of you out there that read my blog I apologize for my absence, I should have what will probably be titled 'Epic Fail' posted some time in the next few days... fly safe, cause I sure don't... :-p

Monday, April 26, 2010

Don't autopilot through a 1.0 system in your brand new Federation Navy Comet when your sec status is -2.4

So... ah... yeah. This is pretty self explanatory: I was autopiloting from my low sec hangout to my mission agent's HQ in my Comet, went AFK to go release some hostages in the Privy, and came back to find my pod sitting next to the now smoking ruin of what used to be my beautiful new ship; which I had purchased not one day earlier... :-(

Lesson to be learned for a n00b pirate such as myself?--> Always pay attention to your security status relative to those of the systems through which you will be traveling when you are planning to autopilot anywhere!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

How in the #@$%! does he do that? Oh... wait... now I see :-/

So as I said in a previous post I have moved back to my original stomping grounds in Everyshore; which also happens to be where I popped my cherry as a pirate, and consequently will always hold a special place in my heart...

To commemorate my return I've decided to switch it up a little bit and jump into a Vexor. My drone and fitting skills are fairly good, and as such I can get pretty decent DPS out of it while still fitting a formidable tank. I'm feeling pretty good about the fitting, especially after Nashh Kadavr posted his latest Help Desk #5: How to Fit a Vexor, here's the less skill intensive variation on that fit that I've been using lately:

1x 1600mm rolled tungsten
1x Damage control 2
2x EANM (or 1x EANM and 1x Explosive hardener if I feel the need for extra explosive resist)

1x 1omn MWD
1x Warp Disruptor 2
1x Langour Drive

4x Modal Light Neutron Particle Accelerator (with Federation Navy Anti-Matter)
1x Small Energy Neutralizer

3x Medium Trimark Armor Pump

5x Hammerhead 2
10x Hobgoblin 2

Now I'd like to bring to light 2 glaring differences between my fitting and Nashh's: 1. He uses 2x heavy, 2x medium, and 1x light drones as a group in order to maximize the drone dps, I don't have good heavy drone skills yet, therefore I have opted not to do this; and 2. His fitting's got a medium Neut/Nos in the last high slot... without sacrificing a trimark for an ancillary current router I just can't do that as I don't have the requisite Squire PG4 Implant (3% bonus to powergrid output).

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Can't Get No Satisf-'action'...

Man... So its been roughly a week since my last post, and I think I need to catch my blog (and its 3 followers :-) up to what's been going on. A little while after popping my cherry I moved from Elarel to Egghelende/Amamake, going on the advice of a fellow pirate who said it was better stomping ground for newbie outlaws. After I got out there I got a few quick kills, but things quickly dried up.

When I first arrived I was impressed with the sheer number of people moving through the systems, with what seemed like plenty of frigate-class vessels for me to hone my new craft on. I was ecstatic, and as I said, I racked up a few quick kills; however since then I seem to be outclassed. For the past week and a half it seems like everyone I see roaming around that area is either in an assault ship, heavy assault ship (HAS from now on), or battlecruiser (BC). The few that I have found wandering around in non-faction, non-tech 2 frigate class ships have been quickly gobbled up by those that are in AS/HAS/BCs. As a result I've come to believe that, foregoing my short lived success when I first arrived in system, I'm in the totally wrong area.

So... I'm packing up my bags and heading for the less traveled roads, basically back to where I started. Oh, I plan to return to Egghelende, but when I'm in a more suitable vessel... Not that I don't have a BS or BC to fly around, and not that I couldn't afford to loose them... I can. I'm just not comfortable with the idea... yet.

So I'm moving back to no-man's land, and I'll be roaming around low sec, and high, looking for some action, until I find somewhere to settle.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Which Fitting: Tough Vs Speedy Fat Man

So I've come to a point where I'm not sure which loadout is better for my Tristan. I've got it narrowed down to two fittings, currently.

The first is passively tanked, and the basic setup that I've been using since I started ganking in low sec a little over a week ago. I've had fairly good success with it, as it can take a quite a beating, and puts out fairly good dps (with my skill level...), but it is relatively slow, and not very agile, as you can see below...

The second load-out, the one which I'm going to test out, and am considering changing to as my primary fitting, is very fast and agile (33% faster and 40% more agile to be exact), does more DPS, but uses an active tank with a Tech II armor repair. I know the idea of active tanking a pvp frigate seems odd, but with the armor repair overloaded I'd actually be able to get as many effective HPs out of it, that is of course assuming that the battle will last the 52 seconds that it takes my capacitor to deplete.

Does anyone have any suggestions as which I should go with, or any advice on how I can make them better?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Popping My Pirate Cherry

Recently, during my second excursion into low sec with the intent to find some poor bastard with skills lesser than or equal to my own and blow his ass to hell, I found myself at Grado tres.

Now I'm sure all of you are asking "WTF is a Grado Tres"? Let me take a moment to explain the vernacular. The words themselves are Spanish, for those that didn't already know. "Grado" meaning "grade" or "level", and "tres" of course meaning "three" (as in "cero, uno, dos, tres"; or zero, one, two, and three, respectively). Now they're use in this context actually refers to the type of hardwood that I've sprouted in my pants at that moment. In other words, for those of you who are not following me, how big of a hard-on I've got (and just in case there's still anyone out there who doesn't understand, I'm talking about my erection). Let me also take a moment to explain how this system works.

At any given time, most men with any sort of libido are usually at Grado uno; this refering to the fact that, while still flaccid, their wang has varying amounts of blood in it, and is ready to grow, or shrink, given the proper stimulus. A grado cero (or grade zero) is actually what most men would refer to as shrinkage, and usually only results from some type of insult to man's ego, or by exposure to cold evironments. Grado dos (or grade two) is a chubby, or the beginings of a hard on; at this point enough positive stimuli have occurred to cause extra blood to flow into the schlong. At this this stage penetration would be difficult, but not impossible. Grado tres (or grade three) is a penis at full salute, if this guy's pants were a tent, his pole would be pitching it. And finally there is Grado cuatro (or grade four). A man at grado cuatro is the most aroused that he is capable being. This is a guy with a hard-on so formidable, that if he's not careful he'll put holes in the wall, and knock down doorjams. Grado cuatro is usually considered un-attainable without assistance from a female (or male, if that's your preference) counterpart. In other words, if you end up Grado cuatro while playing Eve, or any other video game, then you may need psychological rehabilitation.

Now that you've suffered through that long and graphic explanation, you all will at least know what the fuck I'm talking about if I refer to having a "Grado dos" or "Grado tres" during this, or any subsequent posts. In short, it's merely a risqué way for me to refer to my level of excitement at any given time. That being said, let me now return to story that I was about to tell before my ADD took hold and side tracked me.

A few days ago, I made my second trip into low sec, seeking glory and infamy as a pirate. I have an entirely new fitting, that does more dps, and has nearly double the effective HPs of my previous loadout, which, to be quite honest, sucked balls.

I got comfy in my scanning spot, and proceeded to search the nearby belts for a potential victim. Hours went by, and nothing came up on my scanner that I thought was worth trying to kill. What I really mean by that is that I'm a big fat pussy, and I wasn't willing to take on anyone if I wasn't fairly sure that they would be the one who ended up sucking space dust, and not the other way around. However, just as I was getting ready to log, something enticing popped up on my directional scanner, an incursus.

Immediatley I began to twist my screen around my ship's axis while narrowing down the angle on my directional scanner until I had him pin-pointed to an asteroid belt. Then, I hesitated. What if I warped in and this guy just fucking owned me? Then all I would have is another death added to my combat log... No, I had to learn somehow, and if meant getting blown up a shit ton of times so be it. So, I began my warp into the belt.

Then something happened that I didn't expect, as my ship was dropping out of warp my heart started pounding in my chest, and my palms got all sweaty! I was practially trembling with the adrenaline rush that I was getting, from a game!

As I dropped out of warp I could see my potential victim just finishing off the last of three rats, perfect! I started my approach and didn't lock him until I was about 12km away (I figured i didn't want to alarm him too early, and my scram only has a range of about 8km anyways).

Launching my drone, I hit my scram and web just as I got the lock. I sent in my drone, settled in at an orbit of about 1.5km, and began with a barrage of ion blasters and rockets. Just then the faint voice of my onboard computer notified me of my sec status drop :-).

The battle lasted about 30 seconds before he ejected and warped away in his pod, leaving me sitting there with his ships wreckage, and my cock, in hand... It was then that I looked down and realized that I had sprouted a formidable woody, easily a Grado tres...

Never have I been so excited by a video game! I must honestly say that that was the most fun I've ever had playing Eve, or any other game for that matter...

April 1st, 2010: The day I popped my pirate cherry. Just as a girl might try to regrow her hymen (and although she may become a so called "born again virgin"), that membranous ring in the outer one third of her love box will never grow back; I also now know that I can never go back to a life of merely mining and mission running...


So I recently realized that, after having what you might call "blogger's block" for the past few days, I have been holding back in my posts. What have I been holding back? Well after reading some of my drafts I realize that I've failed to let my personality show through into my writing. What I mean by that is that I'm a guy in my late twenties who uses foul language, erotic and probably offensive imagery, and generally has his mind in the gutter at most times the day. Therefore I have decided to hold true to myself, and start writing my blogs with all the gusto that my own twisted, sarcastic, and just down right dirty mind can muster.

That being said, if there are any potential readers out there who are easily offended, then please take this chance to make a mental note not to visit my blog, otherwise you may link to my blog at your own risk, and if you don't like the graphic imagery and foul language that you find there then, ...Bite me.

For everyone else who enjoys a dirty joke, or finds graphic (and often sexual) imagery amusing, and doesn't mind copious amounts of foul language... Welcome!